its all lost...........

i am so lost and i think the person i care about the most regrets meeting me. like always things always go wrong. maybe so people are made to be single. if this relationship dont work i am going to join the national guard. i am bein dead serious. if all i have is my mom and dad cause ino once i get out of highschool i will lose all my friends. my dad kinda likes the idea but he want to me to join the air force. i do want to fly but i cant cause i wear contacts grr. so ya maybe its the wright choise and if its not o well i dont have a better way to waste time.

omg

i have a big problem. today at formal i danced with caroline and of course i fell for her. and the sad part is she cant date me. but on the brighter side we kissed. not to long cause people have to saay stuff. but i wish it would happen again.but it wont. i dont know what to think i am just freakn lost and icant help it. i cant help it to see the one i love more then any thing walk away from me. love is so hard and complicated but in the end it always pays off. i wish i could just settle down with her grrrrr. i think i am in love so i guess thats a good thing. :D

blah blah blah

ok so blah blah blah grrrr this day was crazy. i am so confused on where my life is taken me. i dont know what i am going to do. i feel like i am so lost. i want to date her i am afraid to get close to anyone cause every time i do they leave me hangn in the dark. korn has been my band of the week or prob the rest of this month i love them so freakn much.

thinking about you!

well mmhm where to start today i almost beat the living fuck out of a kid then i was thinking what would she think of me. so i didnt. i should of tho cause i dont think she likes me any more. i love it how i can make other peoples relationships last but not mine but i love my friends cause some times they just make my day!

thinking

well i had a interview today at 9. they told me to reply in the summer. wow everything lately has sucked. i am still kinda sick but i feel fine. i dont know what to do. i set at home and drown in my own world waiting on something good to happen. nothing ever goes rite but what can you do bout that...... nothing lol. i dont know what to do. i love caroline so much but i know that i cant be with her. i cant get over her, this has never happed to me before, usually i am over people within a couple of days not months but o well it will all work out some way i hope!

peeps

so people say they really like you. haah i have learned no to believe them because if you give them a week they dont want any thing to do with you. i have leard this through experience. if you daont believe me try it lmao. so i went to the job fair today i got 2 interviews and i have another tomorrow. i hope i get too be tour guide that would just kick butt lol, i cant wait to work at the zoo. i love the idea of talking to random people it makes me really happy inside. so i hope all my friends and buddys are doing good. o on a funny note andrea has a new stalker and its really funny she gets so mad and its funny cause she dont know who it is so ya. well hope you all like the blog!

all day

so all day today i had her stuck in my head.idk why but i did i guess thats why the day went so fast cause i didn't pay attention in class cause i was busy writing about what was on my mine. it was bad but anyway i am kinda excited that i might get a job at the zoo imean how cool is that!! its awesome lmao.i wounder how honor band is going. i heard they were playing overture in B flat. i like that song to day i was on a roll with that cool melody part we had. i wounder what is taken brad so long to ask out andrea cause she was like i am going to be the only one with out somebody but then all of a sudden everybody stopd talkn so the tables have turend in her direction lol i am so happy that most of my friends are happy with all their decisions so far or the ones that i no of lmao. so i guess thats about it. wish me luck for tomorrow!

today

today was a better day. last night i was at the er with my i got 5 hours of sleep while i was there i was thinking about caroline and that whole thing. then something hit me. it was in a movie i saw one time. i think i am going to let caroline be. i really have no other choice but i have to. so many things in my life rite now i don't know what to do. caroline was one of the best things but some times you just have to let it go.
before i went to the er i was on the phone with andrea watching 8 legged freaks lol i was crackn so hard poor andrea(she is my newest buddy)
again in history mrs. riddle thinks there is some thing wrong. i sit in the front by myself and write depressing poems hopping it will make me feel better about my self. it usually does.
i would like to know why do people hurt other people i have the rite as an american citizen to pursue happiness but i can never accomplish that unless i have her with me.
i love my friends without them i would of ran away a long time ago. but i dont know why i already didn't. i want to so bad i just don't want to leave all of my friends cause they help me out all the time. well except beth. she never helps me but its ok she is still my buddy

why?

why do people use you? why do people talk to you then just randomly not talk toyou anymore? i don't understand these things. makes me wounder what people are thinking before they dis-own you.
i am tired of people telling other people how to run their life. its their life not yours. sometimes don't you just want to run away, whats the point of staying if every person you like and every close friend you have dis-own you.i just dont get it how could people be so mean.
another thing is that kids have to much stress on them. kids are failing classes (like me) cause they have other things on their mind.
I really like her, i really have no idea what to do, i guess i cant do any thing but let her go.well i really have no choice lol but ya i just need to get away far away.now i fully understand why my family wants to move to flordia. so maybe if i move i cant stop thinking bout her and every thing and start a new life doing something like fishing or skating . maybe this life i am liven just isn't for me.

p.s hope you like the blog

life

ok so peoples this is my first blog. yay go me! ok so last night i figured out why she couldn't date me. It was kinda shocking! but i really really like her she is one of the best things in my prospective that has ever happed to me!I wish we could be together but thats one of the things that just seems thats not going to happen.

also last night i decided that i might go to the coast or the national guard. i don't no what to do to be honest.

hopefully i will have more to talk bout later.